


Who's The Father Part DYO

by MilToro



Category: Xena: Warrior Princess
Genre: F/F, Skits
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2009-07-12
Updated: 2009-07-12
Packaged: 2017-10-02 10:40:23
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 925
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5425
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/MilToro/pseuds/MilToro
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>On-set of XWP, Lucy and Renee discuss who's the father of Xena's child. (This is pure speculation written before GFC)</p>
            </blockquote>





	Who's The Father Part DYO

**Author's Note:**

> DISCLAIMER: Just so ya know, I have absolutely no connection with the show, Xena: Warrior Princess, and hence have no inside information. So needless to say, I don't really know who the father of Xena's child will be. This is based purely on speculation and reasonable (or unreasonable) deduction. So naturally, I may be totally wrong. **::**G**::** Hey, I can live with that.

Lucy and Renee are on-set of XWP in Lucy's trailer. Lucy holds an advance script in her hands, keeping the identity of the father of Xena's child a well guarded secret from Renee.

RENEE: So, Luce, who's the father?

LUCY: Of Xena's baby?

ROC: Of course, who else?

LL [deadpans]: Oh. I thought you meant Xena.

ROC: Har-de-har-de-har. That too, but that's another story.

LL: Guess!

ROC: Oh come on, Lucy, you know I hate guessing.

LL: Come on, guess.

ROC: You're really not going to tell me?

LL: Nope. Pretend you're a fan. Guess.

ROC: Okay, the rumour I heard was Rob plays a god who impregnates Xena.

LL: [heh heh] Been there, done that!

ROC: You mean that's not true?

LL: Nope. Kind of redundant, don't you think?

ROC: Hmmm, I gotta check my sources. Okay. Hercules.

LL: Over my dead body.

ROC: Lucy, we're already dead.

LL: Okay then, when Tartarus freezes over.

ROC: All right, I get it, no Herc. Okay, lemme think. Joxer!

LL: You want to stay dead, don't you?

ROC: Okay, okay bad choice. How about Krishna?

LL: Ren, we already have corybantic Hindus climbing all over our arses. Forget it.

ROC: Cory---what? Never mind. How about Marcus?

LL: You want to explain to the fans how two dead people can create a life?

ROC: Oh yeah, I forgot about that continuity thing.

LL: Well, it wouldn't be the first time on this show, but it's not him.

ROC: Come on, Luce, I give up.

LL: Think, Ren, think.

Renee is silent, thinking... thinking.... Lucy whistles the Warrior Princess theme.

ROC: I know! I know! Gabrielle's the father!!!

LL: Renee!!! You want to piss off the anti-subtexters and see our ratings slide further down the 'loo?

ROC: Well, they only make up a small percentage of the fan base, right?

LL: Miniscule, the way I understand it, but we still have to walk that jocoseous fine line.

ROC: [confused, knits her brow] Yeah, that's true. Okay, what about Ares then?

LL: No, no. Then he'd be the father _and_ the grandfather at the same time.

ROC: A-ha! So he _is_ Xena's father!

LL: [shrugs] I don't know. Maybe. Maybe not.

ROC: Okay, so Ares is out. What about Dahak?

LL: [shakes her head] No. Besides, you did that already. The Good Mother and Evil God progenitorates Evil Child.

ROC: She was not born evil! She was made evil!

LL: Oh and I guess killing a soldier at age two constitutes goodness and light.

ROC: Weeeell, there's was that, but that one little minor incident doesn't make her evil. She could have reformed just like Xena.

LL: You've got to stop listening to those Gab-fans, Ren.

ROC: [giggles] Oh, sorry. Okay, where were we? Oh yeah. Dahak. Let me see. Dahak. [she starts ticking off names on her fingers] Iolaus. Mi---

LL: Warmer.

ROC: [gasps] Michael?

LL: Not quite.

ROC: Oh yeah, because then you'd have the son of a christian god and it'd be like you were the Virgin Mary or something.

LL: Virgin? Xena? I don't think so. [facetiously] But who said it was a boy?

ROC: You mean it's a girl?

LL: No, but I didn't say it was a boy either.

ROC: All right, Luce, stop fucking with me. Who's the damn father?!

LL: It starts with a "B"....

ROC: Borias!?!! But's he's dead!

LL: Not when he bonked me under that rug, he wasn't.

ROC: You mean Solan gets his life back?!

LL: Yep! He made a deal with Michael. Besides, somebody's gotta carry on Xena's name. And remember we said Mel was Xena's descendant. We've got to pay attention to continuity at least once in a while.

ROC: [laughs] Ya think? So what about this Michael dude? Aren't the Christians going to be all over us for helping a couple of lesbians have a baby even if he is a grown kid.

LL: Who said Xena and Gabrielle were lesbians? As far as I can tell it's a love story between two people and they're just living on the road together with no man in sight. Well, not lately anyway. They just happen to share everything together - bedrolls, tears, toothbrushes, britches, dinars, kids, even crosses - and they like to suck face every once in a while. But other than that, hey, they're not _lesbians_.

ROC: Yeah, and I'm not from Texas either.

LL [deadpans]: You're not?

ROC: [giggles] But what about the Greek gods? Wouldn't it be better if Athena or Artemis did the deed? Actually, Athena would be perfect because she's the Goddess of War.

LL: In decline, in decline, in decline.

ROC: Lucy, this is too weird. Isn't the show about the time of the Ancient Greek gods not Christian gods or Hindu gods or whatever god of the week. I don't get it.

LL: I don't either. [shrugs] I just work here.

ROC: Aw, come on, Luce, you mean to tell me you don't you give Rob any suggestions?

LL: Sure, I do. But when he gets a vermicular idea in his head....

ROC: [laughs] Yeah, tell me about it. [mumbles] I think.

LL: Like Gabrielle and Joxer getting together.

ROC: [rolling her eyes] Yeah, right. Keep me dead then.

They sit and ponder for a moment.

ROC: So Luce. I thought you told me not to believe everything I read. You said the pregnancy rumours were just rumours.

LL: Hey, I planted that stuff!

ROC: [slaps Lucy on the arm] You are seriously disturbed, you know that, Luce?


End file.
